Divorce and Remarriage

Divorce is an emotionally devastating experience. Three reasons of divorce might be because of why Adultery, Abuse, and Alcoholism. Today, society might experience a decrease in divorce because people are not getting married, but instead couples are cohabiting. Stages of Divorce: 1. emotional 2. legal 3. economic 4. coparental 5. community There are many unanswered question, such as, who is going to have legal custody of the children? Who can take them to the doctor? Who can pick them up from school? Will the father pay child support? In class, we talked about how men are more likely to re-marry then women. Women have less time to date because of their kids. Are the kids going to live with the mother or father? Are the kids going to see their dad every other weekend? It takes about 2 years for a blended family accommodate and feel normal. New boundaries are being set and family dynamics change. This was my last required blog post for my Family Relations course. I enjoyed the class and learn valuable information! I hope my readers learn from my posts as well!

Parenting

This week in class we talked about parenting. There are four types of parenting styles. The authoritarian style of parenting expect children to follow the strict rules established by the parents. The authoritative style establish rules and guidelines that their children are expected to follow. The permissive parenting style have very few demands to make of their children. The uninvolved parent have few demands, low responsiveness and little communication. Children who rebel is because they feel powerless. So, the parent should give them choices and consequences. Children who need attention, need contact belonging. The parents should teach their kids to contribute, so they can feel like they belong.

Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?

Everyone at some point in their life will experience obstacles, struggles, problems and challenges. It is part of life. It is part of the Plan of Salvation. God sent us to the world to receive a physical body. We were set on earth to grow and make our way back to the Celestial Kingdom. I personally believe their is always something to learn from our trials. You can either look at it in a positive way or mourn. Problems are given to us to learn and look at it in a good perspective. I believe God only sends us trials that we can handle. Something awesome I learned from my Family Relations class was that "Crisis" in traditional Chinese (危機) means "Danger" and "Opportunity." We have free agency to make our own decisions. Every decision has a consequence. For example, say someone makes the decision to steal. Stealing can have consequences, such as facing charges or going to jail. That is a trial that the thief and the family will confront. But because of the atonement we have the opportunity to repent and start all over. The gospel of Jesus Christ allows us to learn from our trials. I came across a phenomenal quote by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf that will make your day! It uplifted my soul. "My dear brothers and sisters, there will be days and nights when you feel overwhelmed, when your hearts are heavy and your heads hang down. Then, please remember, Jesus Christ, the Redeemer, is the Head of this Church. It is His gospel. He wants you to succeed. He gave His life for just this purpose. He is the Son of the living God. And He will help you.”

Marriage and Martial Intimacy

Marriage is a wonderful journey with your spouse. Its not an easy thing, but I have witnessed good things from a lovable marriage. I am not married, but I have learned from my family relations course that there are many early marriage adjustments. The first month begins with adjusting and discussing decisions as a new couple such as, martial intimacy, finances, work, food, traditions, responsibility and priorities. A new adjustment can also be sharing a bed with another person. One person can be used to having their own personal space and be startled sharing things with the other person. In my family relations class we talked about martial intimacy in depth. Sex is an important part of intimacy and marriage. There are three parts to sex; Orgasm, Plateau and Excitement. I also learned in my family class that involving friends and family into martial problems will only create more problems. This is true because a couple should communicate to resolve their own problems.

Dating and Love

What makes someone attractive to you? What qualities do you look for in a person to date? Research says that the most commonly said by both men and women are intelligence, education, personal traits, physical appearance. Similarity is another important factor. Have you ever noticed Where do you meet people to date? BYU-Idaho is a good place to date fro students because there are many young single adults to meet. You can meet people at school, job, clubs, organizations, mutual friends or through dating applications. Dating has many functions, such as recreation, companionship, gaining status, socialization, and mate selection. In class we learned that a date should have three P's (Planned, Paid for, and Paired off). What is love? Love is illustrated by four ancient Greek words; Storge, Philia, Eros and Agape. Storge is the love between parents and their children. Love is described as protection, care and often described as unconditional love. Philia is love that is between friends. Eros comes from erotic and its the love between men and women. It is more than sex it includes worrying about the other person and longing to be with the person. The last one is Agape it is love that is independent of one's feelings for another. For example, charity. I see dating as meeting and learning from the people I date. The ultimate goal of dating is to be in a relationship and get married. Marriage is an essential part to Heavenly Fathers plan for his children.

What is culture?

What is culture? What is the culture within your family? What are the traditions you have in your family? I made a list of the traditions I would like to keep in my family. I will share some examples: traveling, education, hard working and unity as a family. Culture are the beliefs, customs, values, cuisines or the clothing of a certain group of people. This week in class we learned about Tammy Crabtree a white women from Ohio who struggled economically. Social class is defined because of someones status, name, behavior, opportunity, belongings, location and education. Tammy lived in a beat up trailer and had to walk 10 miles to work! She did not go to college and was a single mother so she worked at Burger King. Her kids were affected by Tammy's absence. I believe that a stay a home mother is essential for the family. Children need the nurture and love of a mother. Tammy grew up in a hardworking household, so she was comfortable with her lifestyle. She said her father will be proud of her. The mentality of a poor person is what can keep them in poverty they usually say things like "I will always be poor..." The more education someone has the more resources that will be available to them. This week in class we also discussed and studied the problems a family can face when they cross the boarder. Why do families move? Is it so there kids can have a better education? To be safer? For opportunities? Usually the father will cross first because he needs to find a job to settle down and then cross the rest of the family. Family separation is dangerous it can affect the children emotionally. The son needs his fathers figure as an example and the daughter needs to feel protected by her dad. A family can go through many challenges when a parent missing. We learned that the extend family which is the grandparents, uncles and cousins will take the role of the missing parent. The study of families is complex and unique for every culture. Family is part of every humans experience. It can be good or bad and it can define who you become.

Family Theories

Have you ever wondered why your family acts a certain way? This week in class we learned about three different theories that explains why your family reacts to certain situations. Theory is a phenomenal explanation. Theories help family therapists and social scientists to guide their research. The first one is Exchange Theory. Which means we "try to keep our costs lower than our rewards in interaction." If we do something for someone we expect something in return. For example with my roommates we tend to use this theory. If I take out the trash I expect them to take it out the next time the trash is over flowed. Costs are usually referred to energy, time and money. I like what is says in my Marriage and Family textbook, "If a relationship costs us more than it rewards us, we are likely to avoid the person or break the relationship." This theory is seen as a misinterpretation between a couple. The next one is Conflict Theory. When there is two or more people involved it is likely that there will be conflict because of different interest, goals and needs. A conflict can happen if a person has more power over the other one. Gender differences can be a conflict. Feminists argue that men should not have all the power in the household. The last one is Symbolic Theory. It is described as people who are influenced because of their experiences or surroundings. For example, a college women who has committed to her career rather than getting married may change her mind as she dates a man. I enjoyed talking about these theories in class. I was able to identify myself with these three theories.